I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
