Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
