There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
