we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
