Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
