You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
