What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
