Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
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He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
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His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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