"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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