Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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