You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Randomize
