just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
