Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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