I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
