True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
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Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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