I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
