After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
