I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize