We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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