K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
