That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
