So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I love you. Go after that dick
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
there is glitter all over my balls
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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