Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
