im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
NoShamevember. You game?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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