need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
