So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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