Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
