I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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