the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
