She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
