I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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