Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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