I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
