Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
