okay pat passed out under dana's car
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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