Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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