I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
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