Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So vagazzling was a success
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
