every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
