home. puking in laundry basket.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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