im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
