I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
