Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
this hospital has no fireball
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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