The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
