so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
