My first STD was from a foam party
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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