I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
