evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
