you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
