i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
