Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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