she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
