I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize