i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
