My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
