First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
