Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
