"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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