I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
