mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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