if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
