then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
