just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
