I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
