she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
