i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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