I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
