We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
