New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
