We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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