No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
