I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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