bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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