I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How's work?
Spinning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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