2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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