I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
false alarm, still single
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
