Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
