you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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